Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Meditation upon Wondering Whether My Brother Will Visit Soon

It’s hot in the department store.
My mother’s mission: Buy a Shirt for Brother.
My brother’s mission: Thwart Mom's Mission.

I am a loyal sister who cries when my brother gets a spanking.
My mission: Be Brother's First Lieutenant, i.e., We Must Leave the Store Shirt-Free.

The sooner we exasperate my mother, the sooner we leave.
I broadcast my conspiratorial boredom by wandering off a little,
among shirt racks and ties
and beige new-clothes-and-metal-poles smells.

My brother marches indignantly towards me
holding a shirt that’s on the teal end of sky blue.
“Do you like this shirt?”
I do, but I remind myself,
We Must Leave the Store Shirt-Free.

My answer is clear.
“No.” Ummmm, “Too plain.”

But wait! I spy drooping hope.
“I thought you’d think it was pretty.”

But—the mission—………and yet,
“Oh, yeah, I mean, I do think it’s pretty—”

Too late. Nothing I can say will take it back.
All I want in the world
is for him to know
that I’m on his side.

Ten summers afterwards,
I will still rewind that conversation
wishing I could get it right.
But by then I will believe my brother
when he reminds me that the best way
to be a good first lieutenant
is to believe my own eyes.

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