Yiddish and Hebrew

OK, I'm writing this in English as a sort of "neutral territory." (Plus, that way it will not take five hours to write, and non-Yiddish-speakers will also be able to read it.)

I'm starting an intensive Hebrew class on Monday. I've been aware of this date coming all throughout my Summer of Yiddish. I've been thinking of it as the date when I will have to break up with Yiddish. The reason is because I sort of think that I have to be serially monogamous with languages at this point, since I don't know any of them super well, and because a big way that I learn language is by "clicking it into the slot" of the language that I automatically think in, talk to myself in, listen to music in, watch movies in, etc.... in other words, I create a small immersion environment in my head. And I also learn better when I fall in love with the language ... which seems to happen in a serially monogamous way.

Yikraeni V'e'enehu (Two-Part Round)

This text is from Psalm 91:15.  I wrote this chant because it's been a hard semester and I've been having a really hard time motivating myself to do basic household chores (although let's be honest ... I struggle with that at the best of times), and I've been needing to feel support from Something/Someone bigger than me.  And guess what -- the chant really helps.

Ki Karov Eilecha (Two-Part Round)

From Parashat Nitzavim, one short week before the Days of Awe begin.  This text is important to me because, as I've written about before, the High Holidays have a tendency to call forth a pretty intense dose of perfectionism for me, which doesn't feel helpful on any level.  It's so helpful to be reminded that t'shuvah is not always a matter of effort -- sometimes it's just a matter of assent.

Nachamu, Nachamu (Two-Part Chant)

Text taken from the Haftarah of Shabbat Nachamu, the Shabbat that follows Tisha B'Av.  I wrote this chant in response to what I was thinking last year about Tisha B'Av -- from a sense that I'm finally coming out the other side of that stuff, and can now take some time to enjoy the comfort and release that comes after breaking free.

Umatok HaOr

I wrote this chant because I've been feeling sad a lot of the time, and I think sometimes the best medicine for sadness isn't saying something sad (because that can create a downward spiral), but saying something positive that keeps life moving even through the sadness.  And where better to look for a text like that than Ecclesiastes?  😛

Tisha B'Av

So, it's Tisha B'Av again.

I observed Tisha B'Av last year for the first time, and now it's come around again. It kind of snuck up on me--I didn't really come in with clarity about how I would be spending it, or what my intention for it would be this year.

Tonight, without consciously planning it, I found myself dropping my work and my job search and spending time studying liturgy. Then I was like...hmm...I seem to have entered holy-day mode. Guess I'll go with it.

I'm thinking a lot about Psalm 137 -- in particular, the concept of exile, and the concept of being asked by one's captors to sing and celebrate while under conditions of exile and slavery. I'm also thinking about the complexity of exile and homespace -- ways in which exile can exist within purported homespace.

I'm thinking a lot about the way that women in particular can become detached from awareness of their own needs and preferences by external demands that they take on the preferences of others as their own, as well as by demands that they always be "pleasing to behold," whether physically or emotionally. I'm also thinking about how integral food is to this equation -- first, because food is a fundamental need and thus women's distorted relationships to their own needs so frequently play out in this arena, sometimes with serious physical and emotional consequences; and secondly because food behaviors are equated (erroneously, on so many levels) in this culture with appearance and "presentability."

Finally, I am envisioning a kind of "breaking-out": the decision to opt out of being physically and emotionally "pleasing to behold" as a first step to reclaiming an awareness of and relationship to one's own self.  I'm thinking about the extreme vulnerability this creates, and the courage required.

In terms of Psalm 137, then, I'm thinking about exile from the self, and how that psychological exile is produced by the demand to sing under captivity -- and, how this demand is something that can take place intensively in ostensible "home space"-- in intimate and family relationships.  And I'm thinking about how to break free.

(By the way, I love the Shape Note/Sacred Harp song, "Wood Street," the lyrics of which come from Psalm 137. Check it out on YouTube here.)

Lev Tahor (Four-Part Round)

The text is from Psalm 51:12.  I've been thinking about meditative breath practices and this verse seems to fit right in.